Cycling apparel directly from the post-Stalinist nation whose chief exports are pain and fatigue.*

RoATrioSha* Scoured by relentless headwinds, with roads that either snake up impossibly steep mountains or connect scruffy towns separated by almost unimagineable distances, the Republic of Anaerobia is a nation few seem to care to visit. In fact, the Republic is a completely inhospitable nation for the sport of cycling—but of course we find it perfect for training our National Cycling Team.

The Republic of Anaerobia borders Paraguay and Bulgaria. Most world maps published today fail to show The Republic.

Veni, Vidi, Vomiti: To honor your Anaerobian effort, the proud motto of the motherland is emblazoned on each garment of the official Republic uniform. Traits of the Anaerobian include persistence and the insatiably quixotic desire to explore the boundaries of the Republic. Talent is not a prerequisite—only an appetite for the journey is necessary. For Anaerobians, the pain is the reward. The Republic is a place where suffering begets a transient but unmistakable ecstasy.

Little Known Anaerobian Facts:  •  The style of government that is practiced in the Republic is known as a velocracy  •  Karl Marx had a resting heart rate of 36  •  Lenin was a promising racer before the revolution, winning several minor kermesses in Belgium  •  Stalin owned 7 bicycles but never rode any of them.  •  Boris Yeltsin always put vodka in his water bottles which perhaps explains why his longest ride was no more than 2 kilometres.  •  In the 1960s, before his days at the KGB, Vladimir Putin was an assistant Directeur Sportiv for Molteni.  • During Ukraine’s Orange Revolution (Помаранчева революція), protests were halted each day from 1–4pm to enable the national cycling team to train on the downtown criterium course.